The ADHD Dad

I was 39 years old standing outside a psychiatrist’s office both angry and relieved at the same time. In my hand was the prescription for my ADHD medication and a brochure on the disorder

At that moment, I felt a Jekyll and Hyde experience. I was a horrible student who barely passed high school, total lack of initiative, the constant feeling of being lost and inability to make decisions and feeling generally anxious about myself and life. But I was not a total failure, there are parts of my career where I excelled - photography, videos and poetry all seemed to directly contradict this idea of being a waste of air

I was angry; why didn’t anyone see this before now? My parents? My teachers? How different would my life have turned out had I been treated? In my teen and young adult years there was rampant alcohol abuse, suicide attempts, rages, poor grades, inability to keep and maintain friendships, inability to manage my money – the list goes on. I felt constantly afraid of rejection, had no patience for small talk, and was living with constant depression.

Getting sober in my late 20’s provided some relief, but I still had many issues that now, I could correlate with ADHD, but at the time, I had no idea. I thought I was just damaged.

Oddly, I consider myself reasonably intelligent, but it seemed that right when things were going well, I would tear the house of cards down, wrecking all progress I had made. Debts piled up, opportunities lost, and relationships ended. This was a pattern that repeated itself over and over. I blamed anyone and everything around me, despite years of sobriety, self-reflection, and meditation I never saw my own role in the reality I had created. And was unaware of ADHD lurking in the background.

Fast forward to many years later, I was holding my newborn son for the first time. I felt that love parents feel when your eyes meet your children for the first time. I had been having my ADHD treated for several years with medication, therapy, and coaching – but nothing could really prepare me for the challenge of parenting with ADHD.

At first, when I became a new dad, I was struck by the overwhelming lack of content for new dads. I sheepishly started a blog that I just was quickly shut down.. “who am I to offer advice or experience”, my mind said loudly.

But as the years have gone by and my skills as a parent (thanks mainly to my wife) have sharpened. I went from a boundaryless “ go along” dad to a dad who is keenly aware of the things that I need to do as a parent trying to raise a decent human being.

Once again, my old friend, ADHD has been ever present. In the chaos of scheduling pick ups and drop offs, making sure we had supplies for the kiddo, making financial decisions, I wound up frustrated, feeling a step behind and always deficient.

I have done a ton of work, read about every parenting book and blog you can imagine and have been rising to the challenge of parenting while having ADHD. When I talk to and meet other dads, I can tell we are different. They have none of the struggles I have on a daily basis, and finding dads who can relate has been a very big challenge.

In this series of posts, I hope to help other ADHD Dads and any expectant dads try to get ready for what is to come. Stay tuned.. I hope to continually add content about this as often as possible. If in the mean time, you want to speak directly about parenting with ADHD, contact me at chris@chrisaguilar.net