The Tools

Why are you here? No really.. Why are you on my website reading this blog post? Let’s face it, you have no tools for dealing with life. That is why you are seeking a coach (at least that is why I sought out mine!). It’s a humbling place for a guy to sit back and say “I need help”.

 

For me, the moment was after another relationship ended and I was, once more, desperate. Something had to change. I had to find a way to change my life or I was never going to “make it”. I was all alone, living in pretty much a shoebox, making $30k a year and had no clue what I was going to do about all the debt I had sitting out there.

I found Dr. Glover’s book, and tore into it. It revealed all of the missing pieces of my life puzzle. I felt “found”. I found a coach and a therapist who worked with me on sliding scales and I started into this work. My life changed.

I was motivated by one thing – I could see and feel the reduction in my life. Although I had been sober in 12 step programs for over ten years, run two 50 mile runs, marathons, paddled long distances, made award winning films.. My life was totally a mess. And my life at that point, was in decline. I truly felt hopeless. I had no tools to undo what I felt I was facing. And it was not just the money. It was this really terrible feeling I had in the very pit of my stomach every day. Anxiety, depression.. Emptiness. And really.. Sadness at how my life had turned out.  I had to admit, I was done trying to “figure it out”. I could not. I had been trying for a very long time.

 

As i revealed myself to those men and others around me, my life started to change. It was slow. But that was good. I needed it.

I started to learn all kinds of ways to live a different life and it has served me well.

 

I am trained in a bunch of different coaching models. Certifications look great on the resume, but they are wonderful for what they do to the coach. I get to undergo different processes and constantly find new ways to ask deep questions and work with you in a passionate way. I know dozens of amazing coaches who have one process they “sell” and use on the client. I work to branch off into various models as your process unfolds. Coaching is a revealing process. You reveal yourself, your fears, and avail yourself of those things blocking you. And the coach takes off his tool belt and lends it to you for a while to keep building the things you desire. At least that is what my coaches and mentors did for me and what I hope to do for you.

 

The most helpless position I have ever been in my life was knowing I had no real tools to deal with what was in front of me. A crumbling marriage, mountain of debt, a shattered self esteem, feelings of utter worthlessness.. And real issues like the death of my close relative. It left me in a prison of pain. I struggled to wake up and face any day or deal with anything that was in front of me. I become suicidal and had to be dragged into mental health care and medicated just to start to function a little.

Eventually, as all things do, it started to pass. I went off the medication, I started to work again. I became productive and creative. I was taken in by mentors and friends and given amazing guidance and support. I reached out for most of them, but a few just seemed to appear at the right place and at the right time. They offered me tools. Ways of thinking and being that were foreign to me.

From that place began a long, wide quest of learning as much as I could about psychology, spirituality and masculinity.

See what was amiss in my spirit was this idea that I was somehow, “not a man”. The quest to understand the meaning of this brought to a lot of different places and ways of thinking. Shoot, I ended up marrying a woman who is a therapist and through her, got to learn so much about attachment theory, somatic methods and depth psychology.

The best mentor I have ever had was able to blend multiple methods of spirituality, business, coaching and compassion into this amazing meginary of understanding.

 

In coaching, they teach us to “niche” down to serve specific markets. I agree with this. That is why I want to work with Nice Guys. I get you, I was one of you (and sometimes still am!). But that does not mean niching down in the way that you work with people. I believe that as a coach, it is my duty to always be exposing myself to new ways of being and thinking. If something works for one client, it may not work for another. Everyone is different in how they process and dig deep. So a coach just exposed to one way of working, well.. It’s pretty short sighted and one sided. I succeed in jumping the hurdle of my life by being exposed to and being able to try on different modalities.

Having no tools for living is what puts most in desperate, helpless situations. Good coaches work with clients on an individual basis to find and discover the tools that clients already have.. But just may not know about …. Yet.

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