The Inner Restlessness of Moving Forward

I was speaking with a friend yesterday about where they are in life. That yes, the place they are is sure better then where they were years ago.. but suddenly it is not enough.

Of course. Where they are no, a few years ago they could not have imagined… a new marriage, little home, a steady job… it all was a dream to have in life. But they wrestle with this new feeling of almost dissatisfaction. Sound familiar? I totally get it. I think some of us are just innately restless. We cannot help it. And honestly, I don’t think it has anything to do with “stuff”.. a new house, a job, etc.. it is the soul’s desire to be challenged.

Sure, the thing to watch for is that this is not the ego saying “I NEED MORE”.. but instead is this very, almost soft stirring that says “let’s expand”.

The cooler part of this realization of restlessness and dissatisfaction is that it is evidence of a new belief system taking hold. One that says “I believe in myself and love who I am enough to say .. I deserve more”. Think of that. When I was living in a tiny studio after my divorce trying to make sense of who I was and what to do with my life, I thought I deserved my lot in life. I was broke and felt no pride in myself and what I brought to the world. As time marched on and I did a LOT of work.. the idea that I deserved more kept taking hold. And it was not that I was thinking I was some hot shot. But what I was thinking, I see now, is that I started to believe in myself again and that was a huge step forward. My soul was ready to be challenged with more responsibility, a little more risk – keeping a sharper edge then I was living.

Playing it safe, for the most part, will keep you pretty safe. But as they say in Vegas to win big, you have to bet big. And I would rather bet on my new found self worthiness and see how it holds up to real tests of vulnerability, going up against fears and trying something new. The result was a couple major lessons learned as well as some major wins.

A common thing I hear (especially from 12 step people) is that they want something different, but then deflect that desire with a speech on gratitude and how they should just be grateful for what they have. I know this well, because I was trapped in this loop for sometime. Having this inner, roaring desire to do different – but it felt almost shameful to express my inner desires and wants. Especially if they were materialistic! So I learned to stay “humble” which can often time look more like staying safe and staying put. What I have learned is that humility and gratitude is vital. Yes.. Sometimes you have to take those things and test them out on the open road. They can actually become a spiritual excuse to keep you locked up right where you are. And it’s bullshit. Spirit, God, Universe…whatever —  I don’t think designed you to live in humility such that you can keep small. I think we are placed here to expand outside of our inner demons and break out into the open world and make impacts on each other. And you cannot do that from your gratitude journal. You do that by being constantly out there in the world, honing the soul’s desire to keep pushing forward, keep expanding. And if the material desire is the thing that forwards the inner growth you need to accomplish.. then by all means. Go for it.

Stop making excuses based on spirituality. Spirituality has nothing to do with being safe. It has everything to do with being in progress. When I get that inner feeling of being stuck, impatient with my situation, then I know that it a sign to start looking for how I can progress. How can I expand? my spirit is ready to move on to the next level of inner compassion and love and share that with the world.

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