What if you could walk into any room and feel comfortable in your own skin?
What if when you walked into a bar or club and saw that person that draws you like a magnet and was able to just walk up and talk to them?
What if you were magically able to get any job you wanted be anything you wanted ?
But if you are where I was once was, it will take a bit of work.
At a point in my life, my inner shame and desire to be hidden kept me from doing a lot and being around a lot of amazing people. They say in 12 step programs that fear out to be classed with stealing. For it does just that. It steals away opportunity, desire, life experiences. Because I was so afraid of being rejected (or not approved of) I failed to walk across that room and talk to that person, interview for that job or reach out to that person I knew could help.
And ain’t that the lame part? That my own shyness kept me from even reaching out to people that I thought had the answers to help me to improve my life.
Nice Guys especially, like to be hidden. But this social anxiety thing happens to men and women alike. For some reason (most likely a past trauma or attachment/relationship from childhood) makes us turn inward. Afraid that the world will not only see us, but reveal us.
Breaking this pattern takes so much courage. I can tell you first hand. It’s so easy to stay stuck rolled up in a ball. But the other side of that way of life, is a world of fierce opportunity, having a voice and stepping into the life that you have always wanted for yourself.
Let’s face it, being in self pity can feel pretty good. It re-enforces the idea of your own unworthiness. I know, because I have done it so often myself. For most, living in a different way can actually be more painful then the self pity. At least with depression, you know it well and are able to just navigate living this way. It becomes ingrained into existence.
To change or disrupt any pattern requires a lot of effort. It is something that you have to really focus into and work at. But once you begin doing it, and get past that first week of total insecurity and fear – I found it becomes easier. You suddenly get some “juice” and are able to start moving yourself forward into ways of living and being. Notice I used the word living first.. Because changing your mind starts with changing your actions.
Here are some steps to curing your social anxiety and shyness..
- Find your own value. Once I started to learn what made me unique, capable, talented and valuable to any situation. I started to loose that anxious part of myself centered around my self esteem.
- Focus on Gratitude. Gratitude is the most powerful weapon you have against any issues related to how you see yourself. It will force you to start seeing life in the present moment, the real things in your life, instead of just the stories you have made up in your mind.
- Call Two Friends a Day. It sounds so silly. But ya, call up two people you know a day and chat. Could be family or friends. The point is to start connecting to the outside world. Begin talking to people. If you are a man, connect with men. If you are a women, connect with women.
- Start Talking to Strangers. I go to my local coffee shop every morning and try to engage not only the people behind the counter, but the other people in the shop. It starts small with a simple smile and a good morning. Then some general chit chat about the weather or whatever. Eventually this small talk, over time becomes mini relationships. Start talking to stranger and learn to get out of your own way.
- Find a Tribe. Finding a tribe is the most powerful thing you can do. Find a group of like minded, mutually interested people to spend time with. Could be a club, a 12 step group, church, gym, whatever. But find a tribe of people who have the same interests as you. Join the tribe by engaging socially.
Now this is not a cure all, everyone’s a little different, but for the most part with clients I help out, this tends to be the pathway to success. If you want more info on how to help you become more outgoing and social, shoot me a note. I am always happy to return an email or phone call.